4:33 am

i wake up at this time every morning. its not a slow wake up. its a fast bob my head up check the time and instantly going back to bed. it's weird. its like i wake up just to look at the clock, and as fast as i was to get up, i was to go back to sleep. always before i wake up im dreaming weird things like lastnight i dreamed something about katri and it was weird, and always after i wake up i dream. on monday or tuesday i woke up at 4:33, it was the same fast motion of getting striaght up, and then straight down. but after i went back to bed i dreamed a space craft, it was alien spaceship was flying over our house.

thats just freaky.

so this morning i seached up "what does it mean when you wake up at the same time everyday?" first thing i found was a lady's blog. she wrote on things like balanace and she showed a wheel.. on the wheel you could check the time, the time had a name. mine was metal-lungs- meaning grief and loss. eeh there it is.loss-i have lost so much in the last week. so many important people, even peeople from before that im realizing ive lost at somepoint. and greif-maybe my medication or confusion sometimes with friends that causes grief. and probably all my anxiety over meetings and new people and the new enviroment i live in.

its good to see whats doing this to me. the internet helps me so much LOL