my bad day.
so today started off wonderful. i woke up had a shower got all pretty and hopped on the bus to school. got my new pack of smokes. i had foods today. which wasnt so bad. but as the day went on ..it just got lame and tiring. i had a presentation and felt like shit. then almost had an axiety attack. and when i finally did it..i felt the same after as when it started! so i carried my slugish addditue on the bus, and about a quater of the way down the road...(its a long ass bus ride) i realized that i wanted to change my thinking. i wanted to throw away the day and start new and fresh. so thats what i started to do. i took all my thoughts and i simply started "giving that away" and then "this away too" and before i knew it i was giving away pointless things my mind was holding on to. its like a did a big brain clean up. then i started giving away old things that i happened. i gave away my connection to brett. i gave away my negative thoughts about people at my school. i gave away unwanted bonds. i gave away memories that hurt me. i gave away my curses against myself. and much much more.
after i ended my little give away shesh that happened secretly in my head, i took a couple deep breaths..and let everything go.. out of my head. the thoughts went right outa my head. into the air. so i said goodbye. just in time for my bus! yess!
on why walk home i thought of every possible thing that makes me happy. every memorie and every place that wouldnt be nice to go to in my head.
when i got home i felt like nothing really happened. i felt the same. so i took out my laptop in search of a friend to chat with. my bestfriend madi it was. i asked madi for a good song to play on a bad day, she sent me a few. but none hit home.
i opened up youtube. and i thought of a good christian song i use to listen to. although i coulndt find it. i found many christian songs i use to listen to. Mighty To Save. I Could Only Imagine. and more.
they hit the spot. that spot hasn't been touched in a while. and the emotions and feelings i once had for these same songs, returned to fill my heart with ease and freedom. i couldn think and breath and relax in the same comfort i use to.
its weird that getting rid of lingering heavy thoughs couldnt cure my stress/axious mind and my bestfriend couldnt make me happy, possitive thinking stayed only for a second. but what came out in the end...was a christian song. i dont know how i feel about that. but i guess we'll see.
after i ended my little give away shesh that happened secretly in my head, i took a couple deep breaths..and let everything go.. out of my head. the thoughts went right outa my head. into the air. so i said goodbye. just in time for my bus! yess!
on why walk home i thought of every possible thing that makes me happy. every memorie and every place that wouldnt be nice to go to in my head.
when i got home i felt like nothing really happened. i felt the same. so i took out my laptop in search of a friend to chat with. my bestfriend madi it was. i asked madi for a good song to play on a bad day, she sent me a few. but none hit home.
i opened up youtube. and i thought of a good christian song i use to listen to. although i coulndt find it. i found many christian songs i use to listen to. Mighty To Save. I Could Only Imagine. and more.
they hit the spot. that spot hasn't been touched in a while. and the emotions and feelings i once had for these same songs, returned to fill my heart with ease and freedom. i couldn think and breath and relax in the same comfort i use to.
its weird that getting rid of lingering heavy thoughs couldnt cure my stress/axious mind and my bestfriend couldnt make me happy, possitive thinking stayed only for a second. but what came out in the end...was a christian song. i dont know how i feel about that. but i guess we'll see.
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