Anger and Frustration, Hope and Foundation
i cant begin to explain anger. because its an area i havent touched much in my life. ask me about sadness or anxiety. even ask me about happiness. but anger..when you ask me about it..i've got nothing.
only in the past few months ive been experiencing anger. along with jelousy. are these things you can catch? because i feel like the people around me are sometimes angry, and sometimes jelouse. and sometimes im jelous of them, i've never really needed be jelouse before cuz i had god. but now that i dont, i have things to be jelous over. and i have friends who get angry and have nothing to do with it. but pass it along. i feel like anger makes me weak and full of complaining. full of swarms of bee's that buzz around my head and wont stop buzzing till i disttract myself. i feel like i have no where to put this energy. and i feel like nobody gets it. like if i being to express myself nobody will listen. when i think about this, it takes me to sadness. and then back to anger over being sad about being angry. this makes me very frazzled and unable to cope. and i always think a good nights sleep will help me, but i end up waking up the next day with all the same thoughts catching up to me.
im also dealing with some anxiety. i've had this anxiety for many years living as a slave to it everyday. i desire so deeply to be released from its chains. im tired of taking fast shallow breaths, or not breathing at all. im tired of my mind taking over my body to the point where im exhaused. and im tired of my face always looking concerned. i dont want anxiety to hold me back from doing things i really enjoy. i want to take my time at things and be free to live in peace from it. so im meeting with someone to help me deal with this. im excited, but i know the journey is long and sometimes i might want to just give up. but i know i have the strength to push anxiety away from my wellbeing so i can live as Grace and not as a slave to myself. im ready to have real conversations without over thinking what im going to say, im ready to step into and art class alone and give ideas to the person next to me. im ready to stand up in class and give answers and even stand up to people in my life and say what i need and want-with a strong but kind voice and a never pushover tone.
i feel like im living life without a personality. but im going to be 17 soon. and im not letting anything be in the way all years ahead of me. its now or never. i choose now.
only in the past few months ive been experiencing anger. along with jelousy. are these things you can catch? because i feel like the people around me are sometimes angry, and sometimes jelouse. and sometimes im jelous of them, i've never really needed be jelouse before cuz i had god. but now that i dont, i have things to be jelous over. and i have friends who get angry and have nothing to do with it. but pass it along. i feel like anger makes me weak and full of complaining. full of swarms of bee's that buzz around my head and wont stop buzzing till i disttract myself. i feel like i have no where to put this energy. and i feel like nobody gets it. like if i being to express myself nobody will listen. when i think about this, it takes me to sadness. and then back to anger over being sad about being angry. this makes me very frazzled and unable to cope. and i always think a good nights sleep will help me, but i end up waking up the next day with all the same thoughts catching up to me.
im also dealing with some anxiety. i've had this anxiety for many years living as a slave to it everyday. i desire so deeply to be released from its chains. im tired of taking fast shallow breaths, or not breathing at all. im tired of my mind taking over my body to the point where im exhaused. and im tired of my face always looking concerned. i dont want anxiety to hold me back from doing things i really enjoy. i want to take my time at things and be free to live in peace from it. so im meeting with someone to help me deal with this. im excited, but i know the journey is long and sometimes i might want to just give up. but i know i have the strength to push anxiety away from my wellbeing so i can live as Grace and not as a slave to myself. im ready to have real conversations without over thinking what im going to say, im ready to step into and art class alone and give ideas to the person next to me. im ready to stand up in class and give answers and even stand up to people in my life and say what i need and want-with a strong but kind voice and a never pushover tone.
i feel like im living life without a personality. but im going to be 17 soon. and im not letting anything be in the way all years ahead of me. its now or never. i choose now.
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